{proud as punch}

This girl.

To say I'm proud would be an understatement.

This girl has had to fight her entire life. Fight for resources. Fight for normalcy. Fight for abilities we take for granted every single day. But most of all .. Fight the labels.

Autism is tricky. It's an intricate diagnosis and one that doesn't involve instructions or your placement on the spectrum. {Or even an explanation of what the heck 'the spectrum' means} 

It does, however, include a promise that you, as the parent, will be expected to fight along side your chicklet for every minuscule, overwhelming and tedious milestone of this little bugs life.

 And an opportunity to learn and grow more than you could ever possibly imagine. 

Cliche, I know.

This little lady was born with more than just Autism. Yet she continues to exceed every expectation thrown her way. To say I'm surprised would be a blatant lie. I've always known she was destined for great things. And Because of that we will continue to fight. 

Forever & Always

{simply addictive}

Our biggest frustration 

yet most beautiful blessing 

is this Autism card we have been dealt. 

.

My Avery is an angel. 

An angel that soaks up the patience bank entirely 

and is able to fill it back up in a matter of seconds.

With simply a smile.

As I lay in bed at night

it's her sweet spirit,

stubborn personality 

and tenacious

yet vibrant grip she has on life 

that I find myself getting lost thinking about.

She is simply addictive.

She is my reminder that everything works out

everything has a purpose 

and everyone has a story.

My repetitive nightly prayer consists of one thing. 

One simple request that seems disappointingly unattainable at times.

That people will see all that she has to offer.

All that she has had to fight for.

And the amazing spirit she's been blessed with. 

That people will see Avery

For Avery

Not the Autism.

For she is much more than a diagnosis. 

She is a fighter.
A beautiful, loving tenacious fighter.

{forget & just run}

This was a journal entry from May 2010. 

Those were some hard days. 

 I was needing a reminder .. And I got one. 

This is what I wrote on a ragged, crinkled, piece of scratch paper.

Legible only to the author.

Today I was defeated.

DEFEATED

It was ugly, uncomfortable and disappointing.

So 

I sobbed and then I ran

and I ran some more

and then I ran some more

With each beat to my ipod I could hear my thoughts

I'm much to hard on myself .. I need to stop

As I tried to sort out the harsh criticism 

from Chris Brown's lyrics I began to realize my face was wet

How?

I never run so intense .. so hard .. the sweat?

I try so hard not to cry

Why am I crying? .. the tears?

These drips feel so refreshing .. the rain?

I could feel my feet slap the pavement in sync to the beat pounding in my ears. 

Where am I headed?

I need to go back

Just 5 more minutes to think relax 

I knew right where I wanted to go

Peace 

Peace and Quiet

Peace and quiet from the thoughts 

.

I so RELENTLESSLY fill my mind 

with CONSTANTLY

Will I ever feel like I know what I'm doing?

What to do?

Will she ever just be able to enjoy?

Will she know she's different?

Will she be treated differently?

Why?

Why?

Why?

I kicked the fence.

In broad daylight

With people in sight

I kicked the fence

.. a few more times

While heaving sobs

I wiped my sweaty .. teary .. rainy face 

Turned around

Tried to regain what little composure I had left

and sprinted home.

I Was Greeted By My Smiling Porcelain Doll Face Beauty waiting for me on the front porch

I'm HAPPY

So DELIGHTFULLY happy.

Sometimes I just need to forget 

Forget about whats going on physically .. emotionally .. developmentally 

FORGET AND JUST RUN.